Jan. 17th, 2010

amarantine: Hev (Default)

They denied me for disability benefits. So now I have no idea what I am going to do. They said that sine my doctor (at the time) was only a physician assistant his word only minimum weight with the court. They also informed me that since I could do cross stitch & work on the computer that I wasn’t disabled enough. Hmm…I didn’t know that filling out a simple blog form was working. As far as my cross stitching goes, I can only do it in about 15 minute spurts as it makes my head hurt & I make mistakes if I do it any longer. But did they ask me this? Nope. I can no longer create my own themes for Wordpress, no longer code, but do they care? No.

Last night when I got the news, I had a complete break down & started bawling & basically had a nervous break down. I haven’t had one of those in about 5 years. If nothing else it showed me that I have way too much stress & drama going on. I have to figure out what is wrong with me or at least show that I am making a head way toward that extent by the time my appeal comes up.

I am going to be going back to my new doctor to get referred to a new neurologist & even to a psychiatrist or psychologist if needed. Hopefully, with this (plus the financial aid) I will be able to get something done. Though the next one that tells me there is nothing wrong with me I may just show him the side of my fist, lol.

So to that extent, Amarantine will be having to go through some changes. I can make changes to pre-made themes, but as far as coding my own, my last theme proved to me that I am no longer capable of doing it. I understand that this will mean that I will need to look at my membership within the QBee & some of the other clubs that I belong to. My domain name doesn’t expire until September & from now until then I am going to be doing some hard thinking as to whether I really want to continue having a website of my own or just quit the entire thing & blog on LiveJournal or Dreamwidth. I will always be online, but I just don’t know if online misses me or if I am even wanted anymore. I am really fighting depression now & I just don’t see a way out of the dark pit that I have been beaten & thrown into. Until I can heal my wounds & find my way out of the pit I am not good to anyone. I will do my best to keep anyone that wants to know updated, but I don’t expect anyone to care.

For the moment, Amarantine will continue to have pre-made themes & such on it. I am just not capable of creating my own anymore. Though I will provide access to the other pages though my commissions will no longer be accepted via the site anymore. I will no longer accept them from my friends. I am not going to provide drama fodder anymore nor am I going to lose anymore friends over stupidity.

Edit: I will fix the sidebar tomorrow. I am too tired & in too much pain today.

Mirrored from Amarantine.

amarantine: Hev (Default)

They denied me for disability benefits. So now I have no idea what I am going to do. They said that sine my doctor (at the time) was only a physician assistant his word only minimum weight with the court. They also informed me that since I could do cross stitch & work on the computer that I wasn’t disabled enough. Hmm…I didn’t know that filling out a simple blog form was working. As far as my cross stitching goes, I can only do it in about 15 minute spurts as it makes my head hurt & I make mistakes if I do it any longer. But did they ask me this? Nope. I can no longer create my own themes for Wordpress, no longer code, but do they care? No.

Last night when I got the news, I had a complete break down & started bawling & basically had a nervous break down. I haven’t had one of those in about 5 years. If nothing else it showed me that I have way too much stress & drama going on. I have to figure out what is wrong with me or at least show that I am making a head way toward that extent by the time my appeal comes up.

I am going to be going back to my new doctor to get referred to a new neurologist & even to a psychiatrist or psychologist if needed. Hopefully, with this (plus the financial aid) I will be able to get something done. Though the next one that tells me there is nothing wrong with me I may just show him the side of my fist, lol.

So to that extent, Amarantine will be having to go through some changes. I can make changes to pre-made themes, but as far as coding my own, my last theme proved to me that I am no longer capable of doing it. I understand that this will mean that I will need to look at my membership within the QBee & some of the other clubs that I belong to. My domain name doesn’t expire until September & from now until then I am going to be doing some hard thinking as to whether I really want to continue having a website of my own or just quit the entire thing & blog on LiveJournal or Dreamwidth. I will always be online, but I just don’t know if online misses me or if I am even wanted anymore. I am really fighting depression now & I just don’t see a way out of the dark pit that I have been beaten & thrown into. Until I can heal my wounds & find my way out of the pit I am not good to anyone. I will do my best to keep anyone that wants to know updated, but I don’t expect anyone to care.

For the moment, Amarantine will continue to have pre-made themes & such on it. I am just not capable of creating my own anymore. Though I will provide access to the other pages though my commissions will no longer be accepted via the site anymore. I will no longer accept them from my friends. I am not going to provide drama fodder anymore nor am I going to lose anymore friends over stupidity.

Edit: I will fix the sidebar tomorrow. I am too tired & in too much pain today.

Mirrored from Amarantine.